I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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