I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
