k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
