Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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