so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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