Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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