porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
soo... how was my night?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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