he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
