marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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