I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
