he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We left an ass print on the piano.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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