We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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