the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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