he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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