Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
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