Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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