Do you still have your period?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
