i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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