So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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