im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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