Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
