Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
