Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
