my sisters under your porch take her home
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
