Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
