Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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