shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
