During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
