so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
