I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
