I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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