sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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