you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
