I will die if light touches me.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
