The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
