wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
