a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
