hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
