I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
