ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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