He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
organizing the empties. That sober.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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