Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
