Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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