just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
