Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
