a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
