wrigley field is MILF paradise
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
