You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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