I didn't shave. On purpose
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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