saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
