so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
